My dad went to the cancer center today. The doctor there did not offer any hope. Hospice will be ordered and we wait.
I hate what Parkinson's and cancer has done to my dad. He is just a shadow of his former self. He has trouble walking, he is weak, his mind takes vacations on him and leaves him confused, eating is difficult, he has to swallow half a pharmacy every day and he is just plain worn out all the time.
It is exhausting for my mom to keep up with his continually changing needs.
It scares me to death to see what old age can do to a person and I fear that one day it will do it to me or my husband or my mom or any other family member. It's living Hell.
Yet, as I think on this, it makes me realize a number of things:
1. Life is short....how am I making the most of the time I have?
2. We live in a fallen world....there wouldn't be all this sickenss and heartache if it weren't for sin having entered the world. This is not to say that my dad or anyone else is ill because of sin they have committed (although some are). It's just an acknowledgement of the fact that sin has turned our world upside down and part of the judgement for Adam and Eve's sin is that we all get sick and die.
3. It makes the realities of heaven more real and makes me long for heaven.
4. It makes the passages of Scripture that talk about old age mean that much more to me now.
5. It makes me think about what kind of legacy I am leaving for others when I read notes from those whose lives he touched. So many people benefited from his ministry.
6. It makes me want to hug my loved ones a little more and say, "I love you" more often.
7. It shows me the need to put my ducks in order to make things as easy as possible for my kids when it is my turn to walk through the shadow of the valley of death.