Would it Be Acceptable for Me to Live with My Girlfriend Before Marriage?

 Answer:

Thank you for writing and asking me your question.  I am glad to hear that you are a believer and that you have strong boundaries regarding sexual purity before marriage. That is a good start.

As I have studied the Bible to see what it has to say about the issue of "living in" with your girl friend, I find that the Bible is clear on the fact that sexual temptation is very strong. See the following verses:


1 Corinthians 7:1-2 ESV
Now concerning the matters about which you wrote: “It is good for a man not to have sexual relations with a woman.” But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband.

Ephesians 5:1-33 ESV
Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children. And walk in love, as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us, a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God. But sexual immorality and all impurity or covetousness must not even be named among you, as is proper among saints. Let there be no filthiness nor foolish talk nor crude joking, which are out of place, but instead let there be thanksgiving. For you may be sure of this, that everyone who is sexually immoral or impure, or who is covetous (that is, an idolater), has no inheritance in the kingdom of Christ and God. ...


It seems to me that living with a person of the opposite sex to whom you are attracted is just inviting temptation. Scripture is clear on what we are to do with temptation:

1 Corinthians 6:18-20 ESV
Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body. Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body.

By living with your girlfriend you are not fleeing temptation but rather inviting it in.

Further, what example will this set for other believers?

1 Thessalonians 5:22
Abstain from all appearance of evil.


The Bible says that marriage is to be held in honor among all. Would living together before marriage cheapen marriage and dishonor it?

Hebrews 13:4 ESV
Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous.

Can you do this and honestly bring honor to God before others?
1 Corinthians 10:31 ESV
So, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.

I realize your concern is that you would like to learn more about your girlfriend, her daily needs and how to care for her better. Does she currently have a care-giver that you can talk to to learn more of what her needs are?  Can you spend time with her, taking her to dinner or having a meal in with her and her family or doing other activities so you can see how she must deal with things?

I truly believe that God will bless you if you continue your commitment to be pure before marriage by doing all you can to "flee temptation".  I believe your girlfriend will have a higher respect for you and frankly, if she doesn't, then both of you need to do some serious soul searching about the relationship.

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