Alone in Marriage: Encouragement for the Times When It's All Up to You
By Susie Larson / Moody Publishers
What happens to a woman when her marriage gets heavy and she gets weary? Are there ways to survive and even thrive during the seasons of "distraction" when it's all up to you? Larson shows you how anxiety and anger can slow you down; and loneliness and disappointment can actually refine and bless you.
This past fall I purchased and read this book. I highly recommend it to anyone who is in a one-sided season of marriage. The book is divided up as follows:
- Weights That Wear You Down:
- Anger :
"Are you carrying weights that drag you down? Is one of them anger?....Underneath our anger is a certain mistrust of God. Somewhere along the way we stopped believing that God is a God of Love and of Justice. If we truly believed that our lives, our hopes, and our dreams were in God's hands, we wouldn't be quite so shocked when imperfect people hurt us or let us down....our ultimate goal is not our happiness or even getting our way; our goal is the high calling of becoming more like Christ. Instead of fighting for a perfect life, we surrender to God that we might be perfected."
- Worry
"Determine to dwell longer on God than you do your circumstances. In order to do more than merely survive these trying times, our eyes need to be fixed on Him."
- Fear
"Fear makes us see things that are not there. Unless we resolve our fears, they will continually decieve us...To walk in the fear of the Lord means to keep our hearts pure and our minds set on obeying Him."
- Self-Pity
"When our focus gets so narrow that we only see ourselves, we dimish our strength and perspective....Nothing good can come from a self-absorbed mind-set...it is essential that we find our way back to the path of humility, perspective, and gratitude once again..(notice) the small blessings...Sometimes these bread crumbs are the very things God uses to help us find our way out of the wilderness."
2. Weights That Refine
- Disappointment
"...unless we're constantly seeking after the Lord and looking for Him in our circumstances, disappointment will become a distraction, one that threatens to keep us form all God has for us...When we understand that hidden in our disappointments are life lessons, we will view those disappointments as an opportunity to make greater strides in our journey of faith...Every trial that comes our way is measured with grace to carry it and power to be blessed by it."
- Loneliness
God...understands how painful it (lonliness) is. But He wastes nothing and will often use lonliness to bring focus to our lives.
Then there is the question of your affections. Will this isolating time bring about a greater loyatly to our one God and Savior, or will you instead fill in the lonely spaces with idols and addictions of this world?...be careful not to allow a sense of entitlement to lead you into neglecting responsibilities, straying into wrong relationships, or addictive behaviors.
...when you are lonely, you are at risk--at risk of being tempted, distracted, and seduced.
- Imperfection
How are we supposed to live with ourselves, being quite aware of our glaring imperfections? Being established and strengthened while carrying the weight of our imperfections takes a large measure of grace and understanding.
God knows that facing our imperfections will create dependence, and dependence creates fruitfulness, and fruitfulness brings Him much glory.
In our weakness He is strong. We are most strong when we are most aware of our need and most connected to the Source of our strength.
- Waiting
Have you thought of the time of waiting as a gift? Without the gift of waiting, where would our expectation be? Though it feels heavy to carry if we shift our weight and carry it with the strength God provides, all our waiting moments can serve to renew us.
Remember that this waiting season is only training ground for a greater purpose...This is about you, about your spiritual journey. What will you do with the journey to which you've been assigned? Will waiting drain you or renew you?
3. Qualified for the Climb
- Perspective
Perspective happens when we see things from God's point of view, and then we choose to live by following the footsteps of His Son.
- God's Words
...if our words begin to line up with God's those mountains don't stand a chance.
Mountains condition us for the climb; they strengthen us for the battle, and they fuel us to claim what is rightfully ours because we belong to the Most High God.
- Prayer
...prayer is the most effective way to battle for results. We either give up or gain ground based on our faithfulness in prayer.
Don't pray and peek; pray and seek.
More important than what He gives us or shows us is that we keep pressing on to know Him more.
- Faith, Hope, and Love
Faith: ...the Word says that every time we pray, He hears us. All too often we assign blame to God for not answering our prayers when He did in fact answer them, just not how or when we wanted Him to.
Hope:...Hope makes us hang in there when we feel like quitting. Hope challenges us to remember that God is good and that He rewards those who hold tenaciously to His promises.
We lose hope when we only see what is in front of us: our ability, our circumstances, our earthly world, and ourselves.
Love:...We were made for love. And when we look too long at ourselves or our spouses, we despair, because instead of love, we find selfishness there. But when we look to the Lord, we see something different. We see a Savior-King, one who depleted Himself that we might be filled.
There is much to glean from this book for anyone who struggles with the weight of an ill spouse, a spouse who doesn't contribute much, a spouse who is addicted to other things and not pulling his share of the load. There are many times in marriage when it seems for one reason or another we are carrying much more of the load than normal, and this book stands as encouragement for those times. Susie Larson leads us back to Scripture time and again. It is a book that I will refer to often.
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