Marsha's Musings: Gray Hairs of Parenting / The Mark of True Ministry

Oh, the gray hairs we get as parents!  Does anybody else worry that they have not given their kids the "tools" they need to be safe in this world?

My kids are both chomping at the bit to have more freedom and independence.  This is a good thing.  We don't want them dependent on us for the rest of their lives! 

So this summer, in just a couple short weeks, in fact, Nathaniel will be gone almost two full weeks with friends to visit the Ape Caves and then on to summer camp, one week as staff and one week as camper.

Sarah has her driver's license, but has only driven outside the valley into strange territory a few times with us.  We are not comfortable sending her off on her own yet for an hour's drive out of the valley. We think she needs more practice with us first before embarking on a high speed trip an hour and 15 minutes from home, and driving through strange town traffic. She is chomping at the bit to have the freedom to drive out of the valley by herself and feels "babysat" by us.

Then there is the two night, three day tent camping trip the kids are planning to go on late in August with some other young adult friends of theirs.  My kids have only tent camped in the back yard. We've done yurts and cabins but not tents. I worry about their wilderness safety skills and knowledge.

So as a parent, I find myself laying awake in the middle of the night thinking about all of this and wondering if we have given them the knowledge and skill they need to make wise decisions for their own safety.  

I don't want to see my kids leave home for good, but I do want to see them grow up and be able to leave home for good.  My feelings are conflicted.

I want to know that they are safe and secure, yet, I have to let them go and experience new things away from our protection or they will never grow up.

And yet, in the case of the driving, I know that we have not given Sarah enough driving time out of the valley to feel confident and  secure that her driving skills are safe.  So for her own safety we have to "babysit" her for a little while longer until we are sure she can do this and make good driving judgement calls when in strange traffic patterns that she is not used too.  

Let's face it.  Parenting is not for cowards!  The day will come when I will have to keep my mouth shut and just let them make mistakes and learn the hard way. I'm trying to do that now else I would not let them go camping or Nathaniel on a road trip.  Sarah pretty much has freedom to go anywhere in the valley she wants to go now, plan her own schedule etc. 

One day, hopefully after she gets to drive us on a bunch more road trips this summer, she will have the freedom to drive herself on road trips (I hope she gets her own car though, cause we aren't too anxious to have her putting that much extra wear and tear on our's)

It's so hard because as a parent you are concerned with safety.  But as a kid, you just want your freedom~who cares about safety?  As a kid you feel like your parent is being stupid and unreasonable and just wanting to ruin your fun.  Okay, maybe we are unreasonable at times....but I guess I'd rather be accused of being unreasonable then deal with having the consequences of not caring about their safety.  

We aren't trying to ruin their fun as they think we are at times. We are trying keep them from having their fun ruined by a lack of knowledge, skill and judgement, so we feel it is prudent sometimes to put the brakes on and wait on certain activities until we know that knowledge, skill and judgement are there.

It's a fine line between knowing when to step back and not say anything and when to speak up.  It's a fine line of knowing when to let go and look the other way and when to grab hold and pull back.

One day, we will have to just let go and grit our teeth as they figure life out by themselves.  It's hard. This causes sleepless nights, gray hair, and bags under the eyes big enough to pack in for the weekend. Anybody else out there sporting these things?

My Quiet Time:

For our appeal does not spring from error or impurity or any attempt to deceive, but just as we have been approved by God to be entrusted with the gospel, so we speak, not to please man, but to please God who tests our hearts. For we never came with words of flattery, as you know, nor with a pretext for greed— God is witness. Nor did we seek glory from people, whether from you or from others, though we could have made demands as apostles of Christ. But we were gentle among you, like a nursing mother taking care of her own children. So, being affectionately desirous of you, we were ready to share with you not only the gospel of God but also our own selves, because you had become very dear to us. (1 Thessalonians 2:3-8 ESV)

Here we see the essence of true ministry:

1.  Truth

2.  Purity

3.  Not man pleasers  (felt needs??)

4.  God pleasers

5.  No flattery

6.  No greed

7. Not glory seekers

8. Glorifying God

9. Gentleness

10. Unselfish