Comfort for Hurting Parents

Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it. -Proverbs 22:6

I have seen Christian parents whose children have rebelled against their upbringing even though the parents have followed the instruction in this Proverb.

For some, it has almost been their undoing as they think that God has failed on His promise.

Others have been criticized by fellow Christians who say they must have done something wrong in their parenting for this to happen. This places tremendous guilt upon the parent who already feels like they have failed in some way.

So what are we to think in this situation? Are these Proverbs to be taken as promises from God? Are the principles set forth in Proverbs to be taken as true in every single case, or are they to be taken as generally true?

What is a proverb? Webster defines a proverb as "a general truth, fundamental principle or rule of conduct".
Strong's Concordance defines it as "a pithy maxim usually of a metaphorical nature". Pithy means having substance or point.

Our pastor says that there are some passages of Scripture that are simply descriptive and there are others that are prescriptive. In looking at this verse, I tend to think it is both. It is descriptive in that it describes what generally happens when you train a child up in the way he should go, and it is prescriptive in that it sets forth a prescription for parents in what they should do as parents...train their child in the way they should go.

I believe this Proverb is a general truth in that it describes what generally happens when you train up a child in the way he should go. In other words, in most cases if you train up your child in the way he should go, then he won't depart from it.

It's like driving a car. It is a general truth that if you drive carefully you will arrive at your destination in one piece with no dents in the car. However, sometimes there are exceptions to that truth and in spite of your carefulness you still end up in an wreck.

Moms and Dads who have been diligent to train up their children in the admonition and nurture of the Lord, need not carry around guilt or accept the guilt laid on them by others if their child(ren) don't turn out the way they trained them.

Have you noticed that those who pass judgement on other's parenting are usually those who...

1. Don't have any children
2. Have raised perfect little angels & therefore think they have the answers to everyone else's parenting problems, ignoring the fact that each child is different and presents their own unique challenges to parenting.
3. Have children but they are very young and therefore have not experienced the challenges of older children

They like to trot out this verse and present it as a concrete promise to parents that if they parent right their kids will turn out right, therefore it follows if a child doesn't turn out right, the parent blew it.

This is similar to trotting out a verse about healing like,
"Confess your faults one to another, and pray one for another, that ye may be healed. The effectual fervent prayer of a righteous man availeth much. -James 5:16",
and telling the person who is dying of cancer that they haven't been healed because they have unconfessed sin in their life. It's very hurtful.

In conclusion, we as parents must follow the advice in this Proverb and train up our children in the way they should go and then trust God with the results even if they seem contrary to what we feel they should be.

Remember the saints of old in Hebrews 11? They continued steadfast in their faith even when the evidence seemed contrary to what they expected and God was pleased with their faith.

We don't always know or understand how God works or why He allows the things He does, but we need to trust His sovereign will and continue in prayer and faith that He is working all things according to His will.





⛄Marsha⛄

But none of these things move me, (not knowing what shall befall me v. 23) neither count I my life dear unto myself, so that I might finish my course with joy, and the ministry, which I have received of the Lord Jesus, to testify the gospel of the grace of God. (Acts 20:24 KJV)