Most of what John McArthur says here is correct. However, I take issue with his blanket statement that self love is a sin. He proof texts his statement with the following verse.
“For people will be lovers of self, lovers of money, proud, arrogant, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy,”
2 Timothy 3:2 ESV
The entire sentence is
“But understand this, that in the last days there will come times of difficulty. For people will be lovers of self, lovers of money, proud, arrogant, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, heartless, unappeasable, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not loving good, treacherous, reckless, swollen with conceit, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, having the appearance of godliness, but denying its power. Avoid such people.”
2 Timothy 3:1-5 ESV
If you read the whole list you’ll find that all of these descriptions relate to someone who has an inflated ego and is very selfish. Yes, I would agree that this type of self love is sin. However, since he only gave a reference and did not qualify what he meant by self love, it would be easy for one to read that and conclude that all love for oneself is sinful, given the fact that many people will not take the time to look up the Bible verse referenced, much less read the larger context.
McArthur rightly says we are to seek to meet the physical and spiritual well being of our neighbor with the same intensity and concern as one does naturally for oneself. In other words, love your neighbor as yourself.
McArthur assumes that loving oneself comes naturally. For most people this is true. But there are people in our world who have trouble loving themselves for a variety of reasons and it shows not only in how they treat themselves but also in how they treat others.
Too often in Reformed and other Christian circles loving oneself is taught as being evil and sinful. Therefore people in these congregations are never taught what the Bible says in this area. As a result we have many depressed individuals who have grown up being taught only that they are depraved, wicked and that they should be self loathing. I believe there is a healthy Biblical self love, but it isn’t usually taught.
Jesus stated in Matthew 22: 37-40 the greatest commandment in the Bible is: “‘ Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.”
If you believe you are a worthless individual that is not capable of doing anything right and have nothing of value to offer others, it is going to come out in your relationship with other people. So it makes sense to me that we must have a healthy, Biblical love toward ourselves if we expect to treat our neighbors rightly.
The passage below, in context, refers to the role church leaders have in equipping us for unity and knowledge of God. Why?
Ephesians 4:15 “so that we may no longer be children, tossed to and fro by the waves and carried about by every wind of doctrine, by human cunning, by craftiness in deceitful schemes. Rather, speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in every way into him who is the head, into Christ,”
Ephesians 4:14-15 ESV
“Speaking the truth in love”. We are to speak the truth in love to each other but also to ourselves. If we are constantly tearing ourselves down by the way we talk to ourselves, this is not good and those bad attitudes about ourselves will eventually spill over on others.
Romans 12:3 “For by the grace given to me I say to everyone among you not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think, but to think with sober judgment, each according to the measure of faith that God has assigned.”
Romans 12:3 ESV
Notice, this verse is not saying we should put ourselves down and talk poorly about ourselves. It says in essence be sober about your estimation of yourself. Don’t inflate your ego, but be realistic about your gifts and abilities. And the converse, goes without saying, a sober judgement of yourself doesn’t beat yourself up and consider yourself as worthless either. Respect who you are in Christ.
Acts 20:28 “Pay careful attention to yourselves and to all the flock, in which the Holy Spirit has made you overseers, to care for the church of God, which he obtained with his own blood.”
These were instructions from Paul to the overseers of the church. Notice he makes a point to tell these men to pay attention to themselves AND all the flock. I think there is a lesson here for all of us.
There is an instruction given preflight about oxygen masks. They always say to put your own mask on first and then help those around you with theirs. I believe this instruction is similar. Take care of yourself first and then take care of others. If you don’t care for yourself you won’t be able to be any help to others. Love your neighbor as yourself.
Philippians 2:4 “Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.”
This gives us the balance between loving ourselves and loving our neighbor. The passage above says “look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others. We are to do both. One who doesn’t take care of him or herself will eventually burn out and not be any help to anyone else.
Psalm 139 tells us what God thinks about us. “O Lord, you have searched me and known me! You know when I sit down and when I rise up; you discern my thoughts from afar. You search out my path and my lying down and are acquainted with all my ways. Even before a word is on my tongue, behold, O Lord, you know it altogether. You hem me in, behind and before, and lay your hand upon me.
For you formed my inward parts; you knitted me together in my mother's womb. I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works; my soul knows it very well. My frame was not hidden from you, when I was being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the earth. Your eyes saw my unformed substance; in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there was none of them. How precious to me are your thoughts, O God! How vast is the sum of them!”
Psalms 139:1-5, 13-17 ESV
We are fearfully and wonderfully made. God doesn’t make junk and we shouldn’t treat ourselves like junk or think of ourselves as junk.
Proverbs 19:8 “He who gets wisdom loves his own soul; He who keeps understanding will find good.”
Do you seek wisdom? If you do then you love your own soul.
Something that I have noticed in Reformed teaching is a huge emphasis on the depravity of man and self loathing and very little teaching on who we are in Christ and how that relates to how we should think of ourselves and how we can live that out daily in our lives. This is not to say the depravity of man should not be taught. We need to remember that without the grace of God and Christ’s atoning work on the cross none of us can be saved from God’s wrath against us. And we also need to remember that all our righteousness is as filthy rags in light of God’s righteousness. But I’m saying that people also need the balance of knowing who they are in Christ and how to think and treat themselves Biblically.
Loving ourselves in the way the Bible prescribes is not sin. It is wisdom and it honors God who made us and helps us to have the ability to love others better.
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