Anger: Should Christians Give Vent to It?

"He who is slow to wrath has great understanding, But he who is impulsive exalts folly."

‭‭Proverbs‬ ‭14:29‬ ‭NKJV‬‬

The verse above was in my Bible reading for this morning.  It got me thinking about a sermon I heard in a previous church where the pastor said that pop psychology tell us we should give vent to our anger. The pastor said that is wrong.  He went on to say that the Bible says to be slow to anger and he added that it could mean that we should be so slow to anger that it never gets to the surface. We should not give vent to our anger.

So what are we to do with anger when it comes up?  Are we to just stuff it down and pretend it is not there?  Is this the healthy way to deal with anger?  

When I read the above verse this morning, I decided to do a search of Scripture and see what it actually says about anger.  Here are a number of verses I found on anger:

"Therefore, putting away lying, " Let each one of you speak truth with his neighbor," for we are members of one another. "Be angry, and do not sin": do not let the sun go down on your wrath,"

‭‭Ephesians‬ ‭4:25-26‬ ‭NKJV‬‬

"But know that the LORD has set apart for Himself him who is godly; The LORD will hear when I call to Him. Be angry, and do not sin. Meditate within your heart on your bed, and be still. Selah"

‭‭Psalms‬ ‭4:3-4‬ ‭NKJV‬‬

"Do not hasten in your spirit to be angry, For anger rests in the bosom of fools."

‭‭Ecclesiastes‬ ‭7:9‬ ‭NKJV‬‬

""You have heard that it was said to those of old, ‘You shall not murder, and whoever murders will be in danger of the judgment.’ But I say to you that whoever is angry with his brother without a cause shall be in danger of the judgment. And whoever says to his brother, ‘Raca!’ shall be in danger of the council. But whoever says, ‘You fool!’ shall be in danger of hell fire. Therefore if you bring your gift to the altar, and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there before the altar, and go your way. First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift. Agree with your adversary quickly, while you are on the way with him, lest your adversary deliver you to the judge, the judge hand you over to the officer, and you be thrown into prison. Assuredly, I say to you, you will by no means get out of there till you have paid the last penny."

‭‭Matthew‬ ‭5:21-26‬ ‭NKJV‬‬

"Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and evil speaking be put away from you, with all malice. And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you."

‭‭Ephesians‬ ‭4:31-32‬ ‭NKJV‬‬

"So then, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath; for the wrath of man does not produce the righteousness of God."

‭‭James‬ ‭1:19-20‬ ‭NKJV‬‬

I do not see that Scripture agrees with what the pastor preached.  

What I do see is that we are to be:

Slow to anger

We can be angry and not sin

We are not to be angry without a cause

We are to put away anger, bitterness, wrath, clamor and speak evil with malice toward others

We are to listen, think before we speak and be slow to wrath

These verses show us that there is a proper way to handle anger.  The idea that we are to not give vent to it at all is not Biblical.  This same pastor also says that we are to give others a wide berth, and put the best construction on things when dealing with others (give the benefit of the doubt?).  That all sounds good and pious, but what that does is create an environment where the people in the congregation are just tolerating each other when there is disagreement and/or offense instead of stirring each other up unto love and good works.

Let me give an example from my own life.  There was a time when I wrote a letter to a friend that was not needed, judgmental, and damaging.  Unbeknown to me, it arrived on her birthday and she thinking it was a birthday card opened it with all her family around her.  It was very offensive.  The next time I saw her mother she was obviously very angry about what I had done.  She was angry with a cause and it was a righteous anger because what I had done was very stupid. She controlled herself, but she confronted me.  It was needed.  I learned from the rebuke and have never forgotten it.  Had this lady been taught to not give vent to her anger, I would have never known the damage I caused by my letter and I would never have had the opportunity to learn from it.

She was doing the Biblical thing:
Matthew 18:15 Moreover if thy brother shall trespass against thee, go and tell him his fault between thee and him alone: if he shall hear thee, thou hast gained thy brother.
16 But if he will not hear thee, then take with thee one or two more, that in the mouth of two or three witnesses every word may be established.
17 And if he shall neglect to hear them, tell it unto the church: but if he neglect to hear the church, let him be unto thee as an heathen man and a publican.

Bring this down to an era where predators and other wickedness are in abundance and infiltrating the church and workplace.  You have a Christian that is accosted by one of these wicked people, but he/she has been taught to not give vent to their anger, to put the best construction on the other person’s actions etc.  What happens is that the wickedness continues against them, but they are afraid to bring it to their boss or the church leaders because having been told to not give vent to their anger and to put the best construction on the other person’s behavior, they are afraid that they will only be told they are being silly, judgmental, unreasonable, or worse, lying about the situation.  So they are faced with a choice, either put up and shut up and the wickedness against them escalates or leave the environment to get away from it, in which they lose friends, job, or church or all of it and the offender is never held accountable.  Such are the consequences of bad, even false doctrine.

I have a lot to learn in the realm of controlling anger.  Who doesn’t?  It’s one of the toughest things to learn.  But with God’s help, we can control our anger and express it appropriately without sinning in the process.  It’s a balancing act and I pray that God would help me to improve in this area.